So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
