I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
