ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
