so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
