saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
