dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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