I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
