Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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