went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
