I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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