wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
