Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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