making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
