u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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