your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
