I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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