mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
