i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
