Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
