weddingsv make me drug and hornr
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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