My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
