Who did Billy Mays play for?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
