i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
