you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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