my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
