I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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