Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
