Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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