my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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