Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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