I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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