did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
