'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
