No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
