Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it's like iHOP with fire
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
