turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
