Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When are your genitals available?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
