Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
