Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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