I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
