Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
