i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
