Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
