You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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