everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
