In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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