My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
