the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
its liver damage thursday
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