i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
