This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
