i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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