Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
