even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
