I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
