every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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