wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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