It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
