the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
