i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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