I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
