Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
whose parrot is this?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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