His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
