just tell him i said nine months
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize