addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
