I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
