Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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