So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
