One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
