Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
