Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
