I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
